“He Is Broke And Bitter, Do I Break Up With Him?”

Hi TFL,

I have been dating this guy for two years now. Things were going really well for us until he lost his job 6 months ago. Since then, he has become a changed man. He is not as financially okay as he was and it is affecting our relationship. He always gets very angry with me and accuses me of cheating on him.

He also sometimes asks me to borrow him some money. I am a cake maker and I do not earn that much but I help him whenever I can. Anytime I tell him I do not have money to give, he shouts at me and reminds me of all the time he has help me financially in the past. It is getting very difficult to be with him because of his attitude but how do I break up with him without making him think I am leaving because he is broke?

Jane*

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Dear Jane,

One thing you should remember is that guilt or fear are not enough reasons to stay in a relationship. From your words, I gather you are unhappy in the relationship.You have to realize where he is coming from. Losing his job would make a huge dent on his ego and he will begin to question everything, especially his relationship with you. He fears you might leave him, hence the cheating allegations, and he is also worried that he cannot provide you with the things he was able to when he was in a financially strong place.

You should have a sit-down with him and communicate your feelings. Explain to him that you love him and would love to be with him but you are starting to feel very unloved. Let him know that you are willing to help him financially whenever you can but the relationship is no longer giving you what you want. Tell him that you are always going to be there for him, encourage him, put him in your prayers, etc but you would appreciate it if he changes his attitude. His response will determine what you would do next. If he seems willing to make some changes, then give him a chance, there are no relationships without bad patches, and it shows he is willing to make the relationship work. If he lashes out more, then it is obvious his priority has changed. Explain to him that you both need time to sort things out and a break might do you both good. Whatever the case, do not stay with him out of guilt or because of what him (or others) might think. If you do that, you would only end up resenting him and you both deserve better than that.

Good luck.